I have an inner bitch - and she is horrible! She says things like "you're rubbish at that" and "you're not qualified to do that" and her favourite one is "everyone will laugh at you".
What's more, she says them REALLY LOUDLY!
Now anyone who knows me will be thinking "nah Gilly's a nice person, she would never say those things to anyone", at least I hope that's what they would think! However, they would be wrong. My inner bitch says these things multiple times a day; but she only says them to me. Did I listen? Oh yes, I listened. In fact, I've been listening to her for years. Did I believe her? Yep, I believed everything that bitch told me. Did her cruel words stop me from doing the things I wanted to do in my life? Damn right they did! So, that must be............3-nil to the bitch? She's a winner! Or at least she WAS winning, until I learned about Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome is so commonplace that you would think we would all know about it, understand it and have the tools to deal with it. It does seem, however, that it is something most of us don't like to talk about, maybe because we all think that we're the only one with an inner bitch voice and if we say anything everyone will think we're crazy. I certainly thought that. Until that is, I was taught by Donna Elliott and Cheryl Lee how to understand my inner bitch and make friends with her. That's right, I made friends with her! These amazing ladies helped me to understand that my inner bitch (I call her Minnie) is just a frightened little girl who is trying her best to keep me safe by stopping me from doing anything that takes me outside of my comfort zone or involves even a teeny tiny amount of risk. A little girl, called Minnie, who thinks she is looking after me - not such a bitch after all, and certainly not someone who is going to stop me from being myself and pursuing my dreams.
So, here I am, not just stepping outside of my comfort zone but practically leaping out of it and sharing my writing and my journey of self-development with the whole world (excuse me a minute while I just put Minnie back in her box again - I'm still a work-in-progress!). Minnie is still with me and we talk often, I ask her why she is trying to stop me and I listen to her answer and I soothe her fears and, together, we take another leap of faith and do something scary - like publish a blog!
As I take part in Donna & Cheryl's The Real You programme, I continue to grow and discover who the "real Gilly" is and I have to tell you, I am having a LOT of fun along the way. Breaking down my barriers, exploring my passions, growing as a writer, pushing the boundaries and mixing my own damn colours!!
Gilly 2022
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